I’ve been waiting on myself to begin. I knew it was time to get back to this and I knew it was time for a shift. I shut down the old blog, bought a new name, and created a new site. A new chapter. But how to begin, Becca, how to start. The pressure. Y’all are like,...
My mom died on April 1, just a little over two weeks ago. I don’t know which cliché to use – does it feel like yesterday or years? Both, I guess. My mom was a young 74 and did all the healthy things – the exercising, the kale, the vitamins, the check-ups. I look like...
Well, it had to come. Some of you readers have been with me for a while now. You’ve read these random blogs and followed along on Facebook as Jax came home from China, was diagnosed with all the things, and proceeded to grow up into a teenage boy. He’s gone from...
So we’re homeschooling over here. It’s going really well, I’d say. We have great people, Jax’s anxiety is at an all-time low, he’s happy, he’s inquisitive, and importantly, he’s learning things that are relevant to his 14 year-old-life and skills he’ll use for his...
I have sucked as a parent lately. Truth. 'Tis the season for holiday lights and wrapping paper and for mom to be a stressed out asshole. That should be a Christmas carol. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaayyyyy. My mom’s annoyed at everyone, please bring...
Dear Jax,It's Gotcha Day, little dude. We adopted you eleven years ago today. I love this day, but this year's celebration is bittersweet. Your grandmother died on Friday night. Your dad's mom, Grandma Mary. This year's Gotcha Day will be a little less inflatable...
Johnny made it to his Army base on Monday. Other moms are messaging me tips to survive boot camp, linking me to Facebook groups, introducing me to people who can show me the ropes. It's lovely, but I’m in a different sort of situation. “Hi Martha with your...
A day or two ago, Jax had an appointment with a psychiatrist. Jax has never met this man before, but I have, and I like him a lot. He regurgitates mountains of stuff from memory, has a Harvard degree, and is smart, smart, smart. All good stuff when you’re a mom...
Johnny, I've been down at the Capitol this past week fighting for a bill that would expedite the adoption of older kids. I'm pretty invested in it because you and I went through this. We had nine months to make your adoption happen, and had I not already had a giant...
And I quote: "And after fourteen years of foster care, Johnny was getting all As and Bs in school, happily helping around the house, had checking and savings accounts, and looking for his first job - all within just a few months of being adopted into a family. "...
I've spent the last few days outlining an open letter to the person who hurt Jax. A real doozy of a piece, cleverly called "Dear Person Who Hurt My Child." I was going to write and publish it this morning, throw it all out there and let the internet lovelies react to...
The adult who hurt my son will not be charged. I'm a lawyer. I get it. There are no witnesses, no physical evidence, and Jax ...well, Jax isn't the best witness. At 13, Jax still believes that Noelle the Naughty Elf stole my car keys and tried to take my...
I am a Helicopter Mom. No shame here, no self-deprecating humor, there is really no other option for this child tornado of mine. Maybe helicopter isn't the right word, I think I'm more like the car with the flashing lights that travels behind the Wide Load truck on...
I was coming out of an Ace Hardware the other day - feeling super handy, I might add - and on the way to my car, I saw a woman standing by a table raising money. It was a legit 100-gazillion degrees in Phoenix and I was entirely prepared to do the polite smile...
I was sick this week. Throwing up throughout the night, curled up in fetal position at the base of the toilet, not sure how clean the bath mat is, I do not even care, I will never eat blue cheese in a salad again, SICK. Being sick as an adult is lousy. Being sick as a...
Dear Johnny, I know this isn't where you thought you would be at age 17. Still in the foster system, a day pass on your birthday, preparing to be shuffled around again, and then again and again. I know. As a child, you must have thought ahead to 17 and pictured your...
Last week, a family asked about adopting my foster son, Johnny. A family. Adoption. This was a big deal for a sixteen year old foster kid who moved in with me last month because he had nowhere else to go and had every intention of aging out of the system as an orphan....
I had a moment recently. My son, Jax, and I had been in the car running errands for a few hours. I was singing along to the Beatles channel when Jax said, "Mom, I'm hungry." Well, yeah, breakfast was a hurried cup of yogurt three hours ago so that's reasonable....
A teenage boy is coming to live with me. Today. In eight hours, I will be an official foster parent. It's been only a few months, but I have notes upon notes about my short experience so far with this child welfare system of ours. I can't wrap my head around how we...
Last week, I was in my favorite place in the world with my 15-person family. Every few years, we head to a ranch in the mountains of Colorado. We've been going here since I was a little girl, and there is truly no place I would rather be. I told my clients I was out,...
I volunteered to go to an education meeting last week with a foster kid. This kid was in high school and not too interested in me at first. I didn't blame him, I'd never met him before and this was a child who lives in a constantly-changing world with...
It was late-September of 2008 when we brought my son home from China, just two months before December and our sparkly, over-the-top, American-style Christmas season. My little boy had no idea what Christmas was. He had no idea who Santa was. Hell,...
This time of year, man. It’s stressful and chaotic and my annual intention of providing a Pinterest-perfect Christmas lasts about a day and a half until I decide that F-bombs will definitely help me assemble the gingerbread house. Ahhh, December. This year, the...
Jax’s eighth Gotcha Day is coming up. “Gotcha Day” is the anniversary of Jax’s adoption from China. It’s the day Jax became our son, and like good adoptive parents, we celebrate. Jax gets a few presents, we decorate, we eat pizza and cake, we participate in general...
I was at a Ross the other day. I love Ross. There is one by my son's school, and on the days I don't feel like laptopping at Starbucks, I walk around in their exceptional summer air conditioning while having riveting conversations with myself about my need for their...
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Johnny’s doing really well. A few small hiccups, but hey, he’s a teen boy. Other than my house smelling like a locker room, it’s been pretty smooth sailing over here.
He’s here as a kinship foster placement right now. We aren’t related, but because I have a significant relationship to him, I qualify.
Kinship is fine, it works, but I want to get licensed as a foster parent. The services are better and the stipend would be helpful as my grocery bill has doubled and the teenager came with four garbage bags of clothes, three of which were too small. What I don’t need would go into an account for Johnny to use when he’s older.
My son, Jax, has a medical marijuana card. I applied for it, and received it legally, after nothing in our pharmaceutical or naturopathic arsenal was helping with his tics. And when I say tics, I mean he was punching himself in the face so hard that I had to wrap his hands up in bandages because I was legitimately scared he would break his nose.
Turns out, you can’t have a marijuana product in your home, even one legally sold to you, and get licensed to be a foster parent. Even if it’s a caregiver card for your twelve year old son.
Hmmm, are you sure, I asked? It’s a caregiver card, I’m a cannabis-free adult, and the medication is locked up with the Mrs. Meyers counter spray and the essential oils that, apparently, a 16 year old foster kid can not be around. The agency said, yeah, we’re sure, we called the state licensing people.
Ok, fine. This isn’t a sword I want to die on. THC, the psychoactive part of the cannabis plant, didn’t work for my son. The CBD oil we use is hemp-based, not psycho-active, and works really well for him, and I don’t need a card for that. In fact, it looks like I can order it online from Target or Walmart or the website my son’s neurologist gave me. Yes, that’s right, my kid’s neurologist, who is so respected that she has a six-month-plus waiting list, recommended that continue using CBD oil.
I thought, easy enough, I’ll just cancel my son’s medical marijuana card. Done and done. I forwarded my email canceling the caregiver card to the agency.
You know where this is going.
Because my son still takes CBD oil and because that over-the-counter oil is in my house (and mostly because I was dumb enough to be honest about it), I can’t get licensed. The State basically said, Sorry, you crazy lawyer with an adopted son and all this special needs and attachment experience, even though you’re the only person willing to open your home to this 16 year old boy in the system, and even though he is already living in your home, we don’t think you’re suitable to be a licensed foster parent because you buy a supplement online that really helps your child.
No license for you.
You want to know why the foster pool is full of people only doing this for the money? Exhibit A, y’all. My brain is melting.
I guess I have to die on this sword after all.
Sincerely,
Becca
Those are not windmills you’re tilting at they are the lives of future people that have no idea you are their hero.
Okay, here’s the question. What if you were fully licensed, they placed a child like Jax in your care, you took him to the neurologist who then prescribed medical marijuana for him, do they strip your license & remove a child from a good home? Or stop the prescription & let the child beat themselves into a concussion? (Seriously, Drew did this & while we were trying to find medicine that worked caused a bruise on his face that raised some issues, that pissed off his doctors, because of the outside interference, to this day.). Yup, the system is broken. No matter which state. when will it ever be about “what is best for the CHILD?”
I’ll tell you what you can do with that sword Becca! ??
Grrrr…..This makes me SO ANGRY. I am sorry this is happening for all of you
I have no words for this. Actually I have lots of words, none of which are kind.
I hope the system regrets the day that you had to go from nice, accommodating prospective foster parent to I AM GOING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO PROVIDE A STABLE HOME FOR THIS CHILD IN NEED DESPITE YOUR LACK OF COMMON SENSE RULES prospective foster parent.
I agree that the application of this rule seems silly under your circumstances. It’s probably the Feds that are the barrier since 75% of funding for foster licensing and subsidy and administration comes from Title IV-D funding. And the Feds apparently don’t cotton to MM in any of its forms.
Who is his neurologist?
Because logical apparently doesn’t make sense to bureaucrats. ARGH! So frustrating!!!
Or lie!
Just curious, can you share the website for the cannabis oil? It was suggested I try it for my Rheumatoid Arthritis, but I wasn’t to where I could get it.
How are things now? I hope he is still in your loving care.