I’ve been waiting on myself to begin. I knew it was time to get back to this and I knew it was time for a shift. I shut down the old blog, bought a new name, and created a new site. A new chapter. But how to begin, Becca, how to start. The pressure. Y’all are like,...
My mom died on April 1, just a little over two weeks ago. I don’t know which cliché to use – does it feel like yesterday or years? Both, I guess. My mom was a young 74 and did all the healthy things – the exercising, the kale, the vitamins, the check-ups. I look like...
Well, it had to come. Some of you readers have been with me for a while now. You’ve read these random blogs and followed along on Facebook as Jax came home from China, was diagnosed with all the things, and proceeded to grow up into a teenage boy. He’s gone from...
So we’re homeschooling over here. It’s going really well, I’d say. We have great people, Jax’s anxiety is at an all-time low, he’s happy, he’s inquisitive, and importantly, he’s learning things that are relevant to his 14 year-old-life and skills he’ll use for his...
I have sucked as a parent lately. Truth. 'Tis the season for holiday lights and wrapping paper and for mom to be a stressed out asshole. That should be a Christmas carol. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaayyyyy. My mom’s annoyed at everyone, please bring...
Dear Jax,It's Gotcha Day, little dude. We adopted you eleven years ago today. I love this day, but this year's celebration is bittersweet. Your grandmother died on Friday night. Your dad's mom, Grandma Mary. This year's Gotcha Day will be a little less inflatable...
Johnny made it to his Army base on Monday. Other moms are messaging me tips to survive boot camp, linking me to Facebook groups, introducing me to people who can show me the ropes. It's lovely, but I’m in a different sort of situation. “Hi Martha with your...
A day or two ago, Jax had an appointment with a psychiatrist. Jax has never met this man before, but I have, and I like him a lot. He regurgitates mountains of stuff from memory, has a Harvard degree, and is smart, smart, smart. All good stuff when you’re a mom...
Johnny, I've been down at the Capitol this past week fighting for a bill that would expedite the adoption of older kids. I'm pretty invested in it because you and I went through this. We had nine months to make your adoption happen, and had I not already had a giant...
And I quote: "And after fourteen years of foster care, Johnny was getting all As and Bs in school, happily helping around the house, had checking and savings accounts, and looking for his first job - all within just a few months of being adopted into a family. "...
I've spent the last few days outlining an open letter to the person who hurt Jax. A real doozy of a piece, cleverly called "Dear Person Who Hurt My Child." I was going to write and publish it this morning, throw it all out there and let the internet lovelies react to...
The adult who hurt my son will not be charged. I'm a lawyer. I get it. There are no witnesses, no physical evidence, and Jax ...well, Jax isn't the best witness. At 13, Jax still believes that Noelle the Naughty Elf stole my car keys and tried to take my...
I am a Helicopter Mom. No shame here, no self-deprecating humor, there is really no other option for this child tornado of mine. Maybe helicopter isn't the right word, I think I'm more like the car with the flashing lights that travels behind the Wide Load truck on...
I was coming out of an Ace Hardware the other day - feeling super handy, I might add - and on the way to my car, I saw a woman standing by a table raising money. It was a legit 100-gazillion degrees in Phoenix and I was entirely prepared to do the polite smile...
I was sick this week. Throwing up throughout the night, curled up in fetal position at the base of the toilet, not sure how clean the bath mat is, I do not even care, I will never eat blue cheese in a salad again, SICK. Being sick as an adult is lousy. Being sick as a...
Dear Johnny, I know this isn't where you thought you would be at age 17. Still in the foster system, a day pass on your birthday, preparing to be shuffled around again, and then again and again. I know. As a child, you must have thought ahead to 17 and pictured your...
Last week, a family asked about adopting my foster son, Johnny. A family. Adoption. This was a big deal for a sixteen year old foster kid who moved in with me last month because he had nowhere else to go and had every intention of aging out of the system as an orphan....
I had a moment recently. My son, Jax, and I had been in the car running errands for a few hours. I was singing along to the Beatles channel when Jax said, "Mom, I'm hungry." Well, yeah, breakfast was a hurried cup of yogurt three hours ago so that's reasonable....
A teenage boy is coming to live with me. Today. In eight hours, I will be an official foster parent. It's been only a few months, but I have notes upon notes about my short experience so far with this child welfare system of ours. I can't wrap my head around how we...
Last week, I was in my favorite place in the world with my 15-person family. Every few years, we head to a ranch in the mountains of Colorado. We've been going here since I was a little girl, and there is truly no place I would rather be. I told my clients I was out,...
I volunteered to go to an education meeting last week with a foster kid. This kid was in high school and not too interested in me at first. I didn't blame him, I'd never met him before and this was a child who lives in a constantly-changing world with...
It was late-September of 2008 when we brought my son home from China, just two months before December and our sparkly, over-the-top, American-style Christmas season. My little boy had no idea what Christmas was. He had no idea who Santa was. Hell,...
This time of year, man. It’s stressful and chaotic and my annual intention of providing a Pinterest-perfect Christmas lasts about a day and a half until I decide that F-bombs will definitely help me assemble the gingerbread house. Ahhh, December. This year, the...
Jax’s eighth Gotcha Day is coming up. “Gotcha Day” is the anniversary of Jax’s adoption from China. It’s the day Jax became our son, and like good adoptive parents, we celebrate. Jax gets a few presents, we decorate, we eat pizza and cake, we participate in general...
I was at a Ross the other day. I love Ross. There is one by my son's school, and on the days I don't feel like laptopping at Starbucks, I walk around in their exceptional summer air conditioning while having riveting conversations with myself about my need for their...
This content has been archived. It may no longer be relevant
I met a woman the other day who asked me for some advice. “I want my son to be autistic.” She said it like I might say, “I want my son to stop peeing on the floor.” Quite sure I misunderstood her, I did the furrowed brow + polite smile, and eloquently said, “HUH?” She repeated herself. “I wish he had autism. But just the easy kind. The quirky kind. The kind that gets kids help in school.”
Well. No one had ever peered into my son’s world before and been envious. So it got me thinking, HUH (there’s that eloquence again), maybe I just need a little perspective. Thank you random, socially-inappropriate mom for helping me see the autism silver lining. In honor of Dave Letterman’s retirement, here’s my…
Top Ten Things About Autism! (cheer! applause! clap clap clap!)
10 – Built-in excuse to leave a party early. Others might have to concoct an “Aunt Emily” who they have to fake-visit, or set up an “emergency page” (I’m thinking doctors here, people, not drug dealers). Not me. I say, “thank you so much, we’re going to head out,” and I point to my son who I can always count on to be doing something wildly inappropriate. The hosts say, “of course, of course, thanks for coming” and I breeze out like a boss.
9 – I always know what my son is thinking. Because he repeats it one million times.
8 – A Clean House. I basically cohabitate with a bunch of therapists so I am always making sure my house is presentable. I bet most Better Homes & Garden’s showcase homeowners are autism moms.
7 – I am like cuatro-lingual. That Spanish you lost because you never used it? I picked up conversational fluency in speech pathology and occupational therapy, while seamlessly learning to speak in legit-sounding acronyms like ABA, IEP, DDD and WTF. Oh wait, not that last one. My bad.
6 – My friends really, really like me. When a kid has hit you, tossed a four-letter word in your direction, and/or thrown a ball at your head (remember this post?), and you stick around? You must really like us. While some of you dear readers might have to question your friends’ loyalty, we do no second guessing around here.
5 – But on the flip side, what a blessing to be disliked by school admin! I never have to spend time being homeroom mom, PTO President or volunteering at the bake sale to make school friends. Being disliked from the get-go saves me oodles of time. Phew.
4- Speaking of saving time, don’t forget all that money I save on birthday gifts to parties my son is not invited to attend! Cha-ching.
3 – Autism moms have a real gift in Polite Smiling. Talking about TV shows we are too tired to watch? Polite smile. Which of the plethora of awesome schools is the best fit? Polite smile. Plans for the next Mommy-Mimosa-Kids-Playdate? Polite…actually, no, that one doesn’t get a polite smile. That one makes me feel like I’ve missed my calling.
2 – Autism makes you Eco-Friendly! Sooooo many bills. So much recycling. I feel like I’m really doing my part for Mother Earth.
1 – Weight Loss. Clearly. Watch out Zumba, I’m about to start a “Come Pace with Me” video series that is guar-an-teed to burn calories.
Sincerely,
Becca
Love it!!!!
Thanks DZ!!
very good, made me smile.
That’s the goal!
Awesome list, started laughing right off the get-go with #10! Similarly, we may sometimes not even GO to a social gathering for the reasons you speak(or at least the people THINK we turned them down because of that-they don’t have to know that we are just closet anti-social homebodies!). Ironically, reading posts like this always make me feel so much more “normal”…other ASD parents just GET IT 🙂 and the “polite smile”…GENIUS-I didn’t even realize I did that until I read this, now I feel justified! Thanks!
This is the BEST! I have three – with various acronyms – and pretty much every one on this list has or currently applies!!
Hi Rebecca, I love everything you write. Seriously, a mom wished her kid had autism? I’m still trying to find a date for our next session. I may be able to do this Sunday at 1. Would that work for you?
Sent from my iPhone
>
We need to start our own Play Dates – aka Chaos & MImosas!
My son was recently diagnosed on the spectrum. Your posts are amazing! I am still trying to sort out my own feelings about the diagnosis but reading I am not alone is a breath of fresh air! I really appreciate your point of view 🙂 thank you for everything you are writing! I feel like I am reading my own feelings written down. I will definitely be coming back to your site!
Sarah. You feel free to email me with any questions or concerns or to vent or cheer. Ok?? I am here. Emails4becca@gmail.com