I’ve been waiting on myself to begin. I knew it was time to get back to this and I knew it was time for a shift. I shut down the old blog, bought a new name, and created a new site. A new chapter. But how to begin, Becca, how to start. The pressure. Y’all are like,...
My mom died on April 1, just a little over two weeks ago. I don’t know which cliché to use – does it feel like yesterday or years? Both, I guess. My mom was a young 74 and did all the healthy things – the exercising, the kale, the vitamins, the check-ups. I look like...
Well, it had to come. Some of you readers have been with me for a while now. You’ve read these random blogs and followed along on Facebook as Jax came home from China, was diagnosed with all the things, and proceeded to grow up into a teenage boy. He’s gone from...
So we’re homeschooling over here. It’s going really well, I’d say. We have great people, Jax’s anxiety is at an all-time low, he’s happy, he’s inquisitive, and importantly, he’s learning things that are relevant to his 14 year-old-life and skills he’ll use for his...
I have sucked as a parent lately. Truth. 'Tis the season for holiday lights and wrapping paper and for mom to be a stressed out asshole. That should be a Christmas carol. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaayyyyy. My mom’s annoyed at everyone, please bring...
Dear Jax,It's Gotcha Day, little dude. We adopted you eleven years ago today. I love this day, but this year's celebration is bittersweet. Your grandmother died on Friday night. Your dad's mom, Grandma Mary. This year's Gotcha Day will be a little less inflatable...
Johnny made it to his Army base on Monday. Other moms are messaging me tips to survive boot camp, linking me to Facebook groups, introducing me to people who can show me the ropes. It's lovely, but I’m in a different sort of situation. “Hi Martha with your...
A day or two ago, Jax had an appointment with a psychiatrist. Jax has never met this man before, but I have, and I like him a lot. He regurgitates mountains of stuff from memory, has a Harvard degree, and is smart, smart, smart. All good stuff when you’re a mom...
Johnny, I've been down at the Capitol this past week fighting for a bill that would expedite the adoption of older kids. I'm pretty invested in it because you and I went through this. We had nine months to make your adoption happen, and had I not already had a giant...
And I quote: "And after fourteen years of foster care, Johnny was getting all As and Bs in school, happily helping around the house, had checking and savings accounts, and looking for his first job - all within just a few months of being adopted into a family. "...
I've spent the last few days outlining an open letter to the person who hurt Jax. A real doozy of a piece, cleverly called "Dear Person Who Hurt My Child." I was going to write and publish it this morning, throw it all out there and let the internet lovelies react to...
The adult who hurt my son will not be charged. I'm a lawyer. I get it. There are no witnesses, no physical evidence, and Jax ...well, Jax isn't the best witness. At 13, Jax still believes that Noelle the Naughty Elf stole my car keys and tried to take my...
I am a Helicopter Mom. No shame here, no self-deprecating humor, there is really no other option for this child tornado of mine. Maybe helicopter isn't the right word, I think I'm more like the car with the flashing lights that travels behind the Wide Load truck on...
I was coming out of an Ace Hardware the other day - feeling super handy, I might add - and on the way to my car, I saw a woman standing by a table raising money. It was a legit 100-gazillion degrees in Phoenix and I was entirely prepared to do the polite smile...
I was sick this week. Throwing up throughout the night, curled up in fetal position at the base of the toilet, not sure how clean the bath mat is, I do not even care, I will never eat blue cheese in a salad again, SICK. Being sick as an adult is lousy. Being sick as a...
Dear Johnny, I know this isn't where you thought you would be at age 17. Still in the foster system, a day pass on your birthday, preparing to be shuffled around again, and then again and again. I know. As a child, you must have thought ahead to 17 and pictured your...
Last week, a family asked about adopting my foster son, Johnny. A family. Adoption. This was a big deal for a sixteen year old foster kid who moved in with me last month because he had nowhere else to go and had every intention of aging out of the system as an orphan....
I had a moment recently. My son, Jax, and I had been in the car running errands for a few hours. I was singing along to the Beatles channel when Jax said, "Mom, I'm hungry." Well, yeah, breakfast was a hurried cup of yogurt three hours ago so that's reasonable....
A teenage boy is coming to live with me. Today. In eight hours, I will be an official foster parent. It's been only a few months, but I have notes upon notes about my short experience so far with this child welfare system of ours. I can't wrap my head around how we...
Last week, I was in my favorite place in the world with my 15-person family. Every few years, we head to a ranch in the mountains of Colorado. We've been going here since I was a little girl, and there is truly no place I would rather be. I told my clients I was out,...
I volunteered to go to an education meeting last week with a foster kid. This kid was in high school and not too interested in me at first. I didn't blame him, I'd never met him before and this was a child who lives in a constantly-changing world with...
It was late-September of 2008 when we brought my son home from China, just two months before December and our sparkly, over-the-top, American-style Christmas season. My little boy had no idea what Christmas was. He had no idea who Santa was. Hell,...
This time of year, man. It’s stressful and chaotic and my annual intention of providing a Pinterest-perfect Christmas lasts about a day and a half until I decide that F-bombs will definitely help me assemble the gingerbread house. Ahhh, December. This year, the...
Jax’s eighth Gotcha Day is coming up. “Gotcha Day” is the anniversary of Jax’s adoption from China. It’s the day Jax became our son, and like good adoptive parents, we celebrate. Jax gets a few presents, we decorate, we eat pizza and cake, we participate in general...
I was at a Ross the other day. I love Ross. There is one by my son's school, and on the days I don't feel like laptopping at Starbucks, I walk around in their exceptional summer air conditioning while having riveting conversations with myself about my need for their...
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Dear Kathleen Smith from Tomball, Texas,
I watched your video. You know, the one where you suggest a mother beat her screaming child in a grocery store? The one where you wanted to attack a stranger’s kid with a wooden spoon? The one where your parental advice was to “kill it?” Yeah, that video. I watched it, but it didn’t make me angry or particularly upset. I didn’t make a rude meme of your face or leave a hateful comment on your Facebook wall. Honestly, Kath? My blood pressure hardly even rose. Because I know that your motivation isn’t child abuse, but rather this tiny sliver of internet celebrity you’ve found.
Bullying a child is now your legacy, the writing on your gravestone. “Kathleen of Tomball? I remember her. She used to video herself verbally assaulting children she met in grocery stores, and then post her rants to the interwebs for attention. A little off, if you ask me.”
You’ll fade away soon enough – hell, I’ll have forgotten you by Saturday. Because Kath, you are nothing if not forgettable.
Dear Mother to the Screaming Child in a Texas Grocery Store,
(Well, looks like you picked the wrong day to go grocery shopping. Says me, the master of stating the obvious.)
Hi. I’m Becca. I have a son with autism. We autism moms are really familiar with the word “tantrum.” We know about yelling and screaming and throwing, and doing it in really uncomfortable places at really awkward times. Like the grocery store. And we know that sometimes you can leave and sometimes you can’t. We do the best we can. If that means bribery, so be it. Opening a bag of chips in aisle 7? Whatever. And yeah, sometimes all we can do is look ahead, keep walking, and try not to fall apart.
I don’t know if your child is autistic. Maybe. Or maybe your kid is totally typical and was just having a bad day. Maybe your child is a portrait of perfection most of the time or maybe your kid is, actually, a real shithead. You might be mom of the year or you might be the laziest parent in the world. I don’t know. I don’t care. It’s not for me, or Kathleen Smith of I-Make-Crazy-Hate-Videos-While-Driving fame, to judge you.
There is a whole army of us out here who have learned, through the struggles of our own children, that everyone has a story and that everyone has it rough sometimes. If a member of this army had been in that grocery store with you, she would have reached out to you, smiled, said, “It’s okay, I’ve been there.” She would have lifted you up, not torn you down. She would have made you feel that we’re in this together – because we are. I really wish one of us had been there for you. We would have had your back.
We’re here now. There are a lot of us, and we think your child is glorious, yelling and screaming and all. We think your child is awesome and worthy and good and a hundred times stronger than Kathleen Smith of Tomball will ever be. So are you.
Keep your head up, sister. We have your back.
Sincerely,
Becca
Beautifully said! I couldn’t have said it better myself…
Beautifully said! I couldn’t have said it better myself…
I love this letter. We have all been there right? I recently wrote my account of a similar incident and everyone was staring and it felt like everyone was judging. And then one woman said to me “we all have days like that, dear.” I so needed that! We could all use a little extra love and a little extra grace in times like that.
I love this letter. We have all been there right? I recently wrote my account of a similar incident and everyone was staring and it felt like everyone was judging. And then one woman said to me “we all have days like that, dear.” I so needed that! We could all use a little extra love and a little extra grace in times like that.
You are so right! Tomball, Texas is not a small town though, more of a far suburb of Houston. Kath is not some backwoods farm wife. I did not have autistic kids though, and I will tell you, I am no stranger to tantrums. When your child wants to throw a tantrum, they appear born with the knowledge it is best when there is an audience! I had people telling me I was too hard on her, or that I was too easy on her. I did not hit, I did not baby. I simply removed her to the car, leaving full carts in the store. Some people like to be judgmental and act superior, like Kathleen. I agree -enjoy your 15 minutes, because that is all it is.
You are so right! Tomball, Texas is not a small town though, more of a far suburb of Houston. Kath is not some backwoods farm wife. I did not have autistic kids though, and I will tell you, I am no stranger to tantrums. When your child wants to throw a tantrum, they appear born with the knowledge it is best when there is an audience! I had people telling me I was too hard on her, or that I was too easy on her. I did not hit, I did not baby. I simply removed her to the car, leaving full carts in the store. Some people like to be judgmental and act superior, like Kathleen. I agree -enjoy your 15 minutes, because that is all it is.
Kudos!!!
Kudos!!!
Kathleen who of where, Texas?! Oh, I forgot about her! Kudos to you Becca and to all us moms, and dads, of screaming, temper tantrum throwing kids. We ROCK! As for the Kathleens of the world, oh well.
Kathleen who of where, Texas?! Oh, I forgot about her! Kudos to you Becca and to all us moms, and dads, of screaming, temper tantrum throwing kids. We ROCK! As for the Kathleens of the world, oh well.
Becca, as usual you are dead on!! As I sit here & leave a response I truly have already forgotten “what’s her face in wherever Texas”. Actually I’m more focused on the beauty of all us Moms having each other’s backs. That’s a much better thing to focus on! Love you Ladies, all of you & our wonderful children, tantrums & all!!
Becca, as usual you are dead on!! As I sit here & leave a response I truly have already forgotten “what’s her face in wherever Texas”. Actually I’m more focused on the beauty of all us Moms having each other’s backs. That’s a much better thing to focus on! Love you Ladies, all of you & our wonderful children, tantrums & all!!
Thank you! Perfectly said!
Thank you! Perfectly said!
Thank you Becca,
Beautifully put. We don’t know if the child was in pain or not. We do know the mom was and we wish someone compassionate was there with her. I hope mom and child see what you wrote one day and this mom finds the couage to reach out to any one of us, knowing that we care and want to help her. I really believe that caring people far out number Miss what’s her name from small town TX.
Thank you Becca,
Beautifully put. We don’t know if the child was in pain or not. We do know the mom was and we wish someone compassionate was there with her. I hope mom and child see what you wrote one day and this mom finds the couage to reach out to any one of us, knowing that we care and want to help her. I really believe that caring people far out number Miss what’s her name from small town TX.
Kathy from Tomball. Thank your lucky stars you weren’t on an airplane. Although I think the rest of society woukd benefit greatly from your arrest for assault with intent to kill, I would hate to see an already harried mother and child suffer at the hands of a intolerant lunatic. Did you once consider the way that poor mother must have felt ? What do you think her days are like iff her child suffers from an illness that triggers that kind of behavior and the woman is in this atmosphere every waking hour of the day. So while these mothers are busy growing the “balls” to abuse their kids instead if using their heats and minds to correct the child, maybe you should get in line for a heart transplant. Clearly yours is malfunction and abnormally tiny, j ust like your brain.
Kathy from Tomball. Thank your lucky stars you weren’t on an airplane. Although I think the rest of society woukd benefit greatly from your arrest for assault with intent to kill, I would hate to see an already harried mother and child suffer at the hands of a intolerant lunatic. Did you once consider the way that poor mother must have felt ? What do you think her days are like iff her child suffers from an illness that triggers that kind of behavior and the woman is in this atmosphere every waking hour of the day. So while these mothers are busy growing the “balls” to abuse their kids instead if using their heats and minds to correct the child, maybe you should get in line for a heart transplant. Clearly yours is malfunction and abnormally tiny, j ust like your brain.
I love this, I really do. You are an amazing woman and I am sharing this entry with the world! Bless you, and your son! He is very lucky to have such a wonderful mommy. I find I use you as an inspiration quite often in my own life, with my autistic son. When my patients wears thin, and I feel like the worst mom in the world, I turn to your inspiring posts to give me the faith I need to continue this autism journey with my son. Love, Rach
I love this, I really do. You are an amazing woman and I am sharing this entry with the world! Bless you, and your son! He is very lucky to have such a wonderful mommy. I find I use you as an inspiration quite often in my own life, with my autistic son. When my patients wears thin, and I feel like the worst mom in the world, I turn to your inspiring posts to give me the faith I need to continue this autism journey with my son. Love, Rach
Love this. You are amazing. And I have been there before my child was sick 102 temp and I was alone a military spouse that was active duty. We went to wally world for pedalight and chicken soup he was maybe one and a half years old and a lady told me to silence him to Wall mart in Norfolk Va. So I got my things got out of there and got him home ASAP. Today he is five and all he knows is that momma and daddy love him so much.
Love this. You are amazing. And I have been there before my child was sick 102 temp and I was alone a military spouse that was active duty. We went to wally world for pedalight and chicken soup he was maybe one and a half years old and a lady told me to silence him to Wall mart in Norfolk Va. So I got my things got out of there and got him home ASAP. Today he is five and all he knows is that momma and daddy love him so much.