I’ve been waiting on myself to begin. I knew it was time to get back to this and I knew it was time for a shift. I shut down the old blog, bought a new name, and created a new site. A new chapter. But how to begin, Becca, how to start. The pressure. Y’all are like,...
My mom died on April 1, just a little over two weeks ago. I don’t know which cliché to use – does it feel like yesterday or years? Both, I guess. My mom was a young 74 and did all the healthy things – the exercising, the kale, the vitamins, the check-ups. I look like...
Well, it had to come. Some of you readers have been with me for a while now. You’ve read these random blogs and followed along on Facebook as Jax came home from China, was diagnosed with all the things, and proceeded to grow up into a teenage boy. He’s gone from...
So we’re homeschooling over here. It’s going really well, I’d say. We have great people, Jax’s anxiety is at an all-time low, he’s happy, he’s inquisitive, and importantly, he’s learning things that are relevant to his 14 year-old-life and skills he’ll use for his...
I have sucked as a parent lately. Truth. 'Tis the season for holiday lights and wrapping paper and for mom to be a stressed out asshole. That should be a Christmas carol. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaayyyyy. My mom’s annoyed at everyone, please bring...
Dear Jax,It's Gotcha Day, little dude. We adopted you eleven years ago today. I love this day, but this year's celebration is bittersweet. Your grandmother died on Friday night. Your dad's mom, Grandma Mary. This year's Gotcha Day will be a little less inflatable...
Johnny made it to his Army base on Monday. Other moms are messaging me tips to survive boot camp, linking me to Facebook groups, introducing me to people who can show me the ropes. It's lovely, but I’m in a different sort of situation. “Hi Martha with your...
A day or two ago, Jax had an appointment with a psychiatrist. Jax has never met this man before, but I have, and I like him a lot. He regurgitates mountains of stuff from memory, has a Harvard degree, and is smart, smart, smart. All good stuff when you’re a mom...
Johnny, I've been down at the Capitol this past week fighting for a bill that would expedite the adoption of older kids. I'm pretty invested in it because you and I went through this. We had nine months to make your adoption happen, and had I not already had a giant...
And I quote: "And after fourteen years of foster care, Johnny was getting all As and Bs in school, happily helping around the house, had checking and savings accounts, and looking for his first job - all within just a few months of being adopted into a family. "...
I've spent the last few days outlining an open letter to the person who hurt Jax. A real doozy of a piece, cleverly called "Dear Person Who Hurt My Child." I was going to write and publish it this morning, throw it all out there and let the internet lovelies react to...
The adult who hurt my son will not be charged. I'm a lawyer. I get it. There are no witnesses, no physical evidence, and Jax ...well, Jax isn't the best witness. At 13, Jax still believes that Noelle the Naughty Elf stole my car keys and tried to take my...
I am a Helicopter Mom. No shame here, no self-deprecating humor, there is really no other option for this child tornado of mine. Maybe helicopter isn't the right word, I think I'm more like the car with the flashing lights that travels behind the Wide Load truck on...
I was coming out of an Ace Hardware the other day - feeling super handy, I might add - and on the way to my car, I saw a woman standing by a table raising money. It was a legit 100-gazillion degrees in Phoenix and I was entirely prepared to do the polite smile...
I was sick this week. Throwing up throughout the night, curled up in fetal position at the base of the toilet, not sure how clean the bath mat is, I do not even care, I will never eat blue cheese in a salad again, SICK. Being sick as an adult is lousy. Being sick as a...
Dear Johnny, I know this isn't where you thought you would be at age 17. Still in the foster system, a day pass on your birthday, preparing to be shuffled around again, and then again and again. I know. As a child, you must have thought ahead to 17 and pictured your...
Last week, a family asked about adopting my foster son, Johnny. A family. Adoption. This was a big deal for a sixteen year old foster kid who moved in with me last month because he had nowhere else to go and had every intention of aging out of the system as an orphan....
I had a moment recently. My son, Jax, and I had been in the car running errands for a few hours. I was singing along to the Beatles channel when Jax said, "Mom, I'm hungry." Well, yeah, breakfast was a hurried cup of yogurt three hours ago so that's reasonable....
A teenage boy is coming to live with me. Today. In eight hours, I will be an official foster parent. It's been only a few months, but I have notes upon notes about my short experience so far with this child welfare system of ours. I can't wrap my head around how we...
Last week, I was in my favorite place in the world with my 15-person family. Every few years, we head to a ranch in the mountains of Colorado. We've been going here since I was a little girl, and there is truly no place I would rather be. I told my clients I was out,...
I volunteered to go to an education meeting last week with a foster kid. This kid was in high school and not too interested in me at first. I didn't blame him, I'd never met him before and this was a child who lives in a constantly-changing world with...
It was late-September of 2008 when we brought my son home from China, just two months before December and our sparkly, over-the-top, American-style Christmas season. My little boy had no idea what Christmas was. He had no idea who Santa was. Hell,...
This time of year, man. It’s stressful and chaotic and my annual intention of providing a Pinterest-perfect Christmas lasts about a day and a half until I decide that F-bombs will definitely help me assemble the gingerbread house. Ahhh, December. This year, the...
Jax’s eighth Gotcha Day is coming up. “Gotcha Day” is the anniversary of Jax’s adoption from China. It’s the day Jax became our son, and like good adoptive parents, we celebrate. Jax gets a few presents, we decorate, we eat pizza and cake, we participate in general...
I was at a Ross the other day. I love Ross. There is one by my son's school, and on the days I don't feel like laptopping at Starbucks, I walk around in their exceptional summer air conditioning while having riveting conversations with myself about my need for their...
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I sat down to write. Like an hour ago. So far, I’ve written a jingle about a blinking cursor. That about sums up where we are.
Part of it is I haven’t been on this site for a bit and am legit lost. I feel like Rip Van Winkle except instead of sleeping through a war, I zoned out on some major technical updates. Apparently, I have no idea how to use WordPress anymore. I don’t know what “Divi Builder” is, the title keeps disappearing, and it took me 20 minutes to reset my password.
I’m having flashbacks to that time I taped very, very detailed index card instructions on my grandmother’s new VCR. “Pick up the black plastic rectangle (this is called the tape, Gramma) and push it into the slot until the little flap comes down.” It’s a little too close to home to be on the receiving end of the technological confusion, frankly.
Oh cool, the font just went down 100 sizes. I don’t know why and now I can’t see what I’m typing.
This is going well. Welcome back, me.
Moving on. The other reason I’ve been blogger MIA is I have so much to SAY… but I don’t know, guys. I just don’t know if it’s cool anymore. Jax is 16 tomorrow. Six-effing-teen. Are we still doing this when our kids are teens?
I feel like there is sort of a dearth of writers out there on this age group of teens with disabilities. (Dearth?? OMG I am Rip Van Winkle.) Lots of writing on the young ones – no judgment, I did that for quite a while – but a whole lot less on this teen into adulthood arena. The problems are different, my worries have shifted, the victories are life-changing. There is room for this. It feels important.
But the other hand is a child who isn’t a child anymore. Jax is taller than I am, his voice has lowered, and he has a sprinkling of his acne on his forehead. He’s a full stop teenager.
There’s so much to discuss. And I’d really like to chat it up. I just need to find the balance between mom-honesty and my teenage son’s boundaries. I think I can find it.
I hope so because I just figured out how to change the font size. WINNING.
Sincerely,
Becca
I’ve missed gardening/farmer chatting with you! I’m glad you posted this! Happy Birthday, Jax!!
I grew STAWBERRIES!!
Girl!! That’s so awesome!!! We put in a patch of strawberries this yr, I’m excited to see them next year! I have so missed connecting with you!
Hey girl! Good to see your smile. And Wow! 16!??
16. Feels BIG.
Good to hear from you again, we miss you in the blogosphere.
What am I missing??!!
Glad you’re back! Happy birthday to Jax!
Thanks, amiga!
Gosh I miss this kid! Happy 16th buddy! Glad to see you writing again because I missed YOU too! Hope y’all are well!
Can you believe it. 16.
I get it. My dude is 18. He will walk with his graduation class this Saturday. He will probably have 1 more year of high school. Cancer and COVID has put me way behind on his transition to adulthood. So this summer I will be looking at all of the various “programs” he can become a part of. I don’t really want him in an adult day program. And then there is the issue where some programs are only from 9 to 3 — how can a parent work?!
Miss your blogs. But there is a big issue with respecting his privacy. Seems like you need to talk with Jax about what he is will to share about his life that would be helpful for others to know.
Cancer. Janet, I didn’t know.
Happy Birthday to Jax, and happy figuring out how to write (or not) once you have a teenager…and how the heck to wrangle with WordPress. My kid turned 21 and I’m still waffling over how much to write, but if I don’t write, I can’t figure this parenting stuff out. I’ve given up on WordPress because their “editor” became impossible, so more power to you if you can figure THAT out. Congrats on staying off social media, still a goal of mine, too. You’re not missing anything – but we are missing you!
That’s how I feel!! If I don’t write it, I don’t have perspective! You get it. Has Facebook become more reasonable yet?!
Missed your updates. Happy 16th birthday Jax.
It’s so wonderful to see 🤷♀️ you writing again. I always appreciated your blogs as my fellas are the same age as Jax. Though they are nonverbal level three (whatever that means anymore 🤪) there was still much I could relate to as far as the mom feels you’d share. I do hope you find that balance and continue writing. Who knows maybe it’s not Jax’s story anymore. Maybe it’s your turn. Anyway, glad to read your blog again and happy belated birthday Jax.
Happy Birthday Jax! How does the 16 year old feel about it?