I’ve been waiting on myself to begin. I knew it was time to get back to this and I knew it was time for a shift. I shut down the old blog, bought a new name, and created a new site. A new chapter. But how to begin, Becca, how to start. The pressure. Y’all are like,...
My mom died on April 1, just a little over two weeks ago. I don’t know which cliché to use – does it feel like yesterday or years? Both, I guess. My mom was a young 74 and did all the healthy things – the exercising, the kale, the vitamins, the check-ups. I look like...
Well, it had to come. Some of you readers have been with me for a while now. You’ve read these random blogs and followed along on Facebook as Jax came home from China, was diagnosed with all the things, and proceeded to grow up into a teenage boy. He’s gone from...
So we’re homeschooling over here. It’s going really well, I’d say. We have great people, Jax’s anxiety is at an all-time low, he’s happy, he’s inquisitive, and importantly, he’s learning things that are relevant to his 14 year-old-life and skills he’ll use for his...
I have sucked as a parent lately. Truth. 'Tis the season for holiday lights and wrapping paper and for mom to be a stressed out asshole. That should be a Christmas carol. “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the waaayyyyy. My mom’s annoyed at everyone, please bring...
Dear Jax,It's Gotcha Day, little dude. We adopted you eleven years ago today. I love this day, but this year's celebration is bittersweet. Your grandmother died on Friday night. Your dad's mom, Grandma Mary. This year's Gotcha Day will be a little less inflatable...
Johnny made it to his Army base on Monday. Other moms are messaging me tips to survive boot camp, linking me to Facebook groups, introducing me to people who can show me the ropes. It's lovely, but I’m in a different sort of situation. “Hi Martha with your...
A day or two ago, Jax had an appointment with a psychiatrist. Jax has never met this man before, but I have, and I like him a lot. He regurgitates mountains of stuff from memory, has a Harvard degree, and is smart, smart, smart. All good stuff when you’re a mom...
Johnny, I've been down at the Capitol this past week fighting for a bill that would expedite the adoption of older kids. I'm pretty invested in it because you and I went through this. We had nine months to make your adoption happen, and had I not already had a giant...
And I quote: "And after fourteen years of foster care, Johnny was getting all As and Bs in school, happily helping around the house, had checking and savings accounts, and looking for his first job - all within just a few months of being adopted into a family. "...
I've spent the last few days outlining an open letter to the person who hurt Jax. A real doozy of a piece, cleverly called "Dear Person Who Hurt My Child." I was going to write and publish it this morning, throw it all out there and let the internet lovelies react to...
The adult who hurt my son will not be charged. I'm a lawyer. I get it. There are no witnesses, no physical evidence, and Jax ...well, Jax isn't the best witness. At 13, Jax still believes that Noelle the Naughty Elf stole my car keys and tried to take my...
I am a Helicopter Mom. No shame here, no self-deprecating humor, there is really no other option for this child tornado of mine. Maybe helicopter isn't the right word, I think I'm more like the car with the flashing lights that travels behind the Wide Load truck on...
I was coming out of an Ace Hardware the other day - feeling super handy, I might add - and on the way to my car, I saw a woman standing by a table raising money. It was a legit 100-gazillion degrees in Phoenix and I was entirely prepared to do the polite smile...
I was sick this week. Throwing up throughout the night, curled up in fetal position at the base of the toilet, not sure how clean the bath mat is, I do not even care, I will never eat blue cheese in a salad again, SICK. Being sick as an adult is lousy. Being sick as a...
Dear Johnny, I know this isn't where you thought you would be at age 17. Still in the foster system, a day pass on your birthday, preparing to be shuffled around again, and then again and again. I know. As a child, you must have thought ahead to 17 and pictured your...
Last week, a family asked about adopting my foster son, Johnny. A family. Adoption. This was a big deal for a sixteen year old foster kid who moved in with me last month because he had nowhere else to go and had every intention of aging out of the system as an orphan....
I had a moment recently. My son, Jax, and I had been in the car running errands for a few hours. I was singing along to the Beatles channel when Jax said, "Mom, I'm hungry." Well, yeah, breakfast was a hurried cup of yogurt three hours ago so that's reasonable....
A teenage boy is coming to live with me. Today. In eight hours, I will be an official foster parent. It's been only a few months, but I have notes upon notes about my short experience so far with this child welfare system of ours. I can't wrap my head around how we...
Last week, I was in my favorite place in the world with my 15-person family. Every few years, we head to a ranch in the mountains of Colorado. We've been going here since I was a little girl, and there is truly no place I would rather be. I told my clients I was out,...
I volunteered to go to an education meeting last week with a foster kid. This kid was in high school and not too interested in me at first. I didn't blame him, I'd never met him before and this was a child who lives in a constantly-changing world with...
It was late-September of 2008 when we brought my son home from China, just two months before December and our sparkly, over-the-top, American-style Christmas season. My little boy had no idea what Christmas was. He had no idea who Santa was. Hell,...
This time of year, man. It’s stressful and chaotic and my annual intention of providing a Pinterest-perfect Christmas lasts about a day and a half until I decide that F-bombs will definitely help me assemble the gingerbread house. Ahhh, December. This year, the...
Jax’s eighth Gotcha Day is coming up. “Gotcha Day” is the anniversary of Jax’s adoption from China. It’s the day Jax became our son, and like good adoptive parents, we celebrate. Jax gets a few presents, we decorate, we eat pizza and cake, we participate in general...
I was at a Ross the other day. I love Ross. There is one by my son's school, and on the days I don't feel like laptopping at Starbucks, I walk around in their exceptional summer air conditioning while having riveting conversations with myself about my need for their...
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(Over on my Facebook page, I am posting a photo every day in April, which is Autism Awareness Month. Nothing fancy, just a day in the life. A day in my son’s life, I should say. Follow along. I’d love it. I’d appreciate it. No preaching, no whining, just a photo and a back story, if there is one.
This one was a tad wordy for a Facebook post (I’m a sucker for social media etiquette) so I am posting it here.)
APRIL 4:
Last year, my family and I went to Jax’s Kindergarten concert. Me, John, my parents, my brother, his family – we had a big group. Jax was so excited. Over-excited. He sang and jumped and clapped his little heart out. All at the wrong times and with entirely too much gusto. On stage, the kids next to him moved away because Jax was a one-man, arm-flailing dancing maniac. His teacher popped up to the stage to calm him down, and it was kindergarten so it was cute-ish. People laughed good-naturedly.
But it was so hard for me to watch. My kid had no idea that he wasn’t following along with the other kids. He had no idea that the laughter was about him. He just had no idea.
Last night. 1st grade concert. I was nervous all day. These things other parents take for granted give me an ulcer. I didn’t invite any family this year. We got there early, we kept it really calm, and we sat on the aisle in case I needed to intervene. When the cafeteria got ultra-noisy, I watched Jax twitch and cover his ears. I hugged my son, made him look me in the eyes, and said, “Kiddo, you got this.” I handed him off to his teacher, sat down with a bowling ball in the pit of my stomach, and bit all my nails while waiting for the kids to sing.
HE NAILED IT! Jax freaking nailed it. I am calling Broadway because my son’s perfect mix of joy, enthusiasm, and (sit down for this) awareness of the program was spot on. SPOT ON! We sat there blind-sided by our own son with goofy grins glued to our faces. I slept with that grin last night. I’m gonna wear it all week.
Jax still sang the loudest, his sweet dance moves were still the biggest, and his teacher was still 5 paces away behind the curtain. But OMG! Somehow, in the the haze of all the therapy and the services, and with the help of the most kick-ass village of people, we are moving towards the goal – to keep all that is good and special and hilarious about my son…and tweak it just a little bit so he can be appreciated by more people.
After the show, I watched other parents high-five and hug their kids. They got exactly what they came to see – an adorable show with their well-behaved children. I got one of the Top 10 nights of my life. And this is the silver lining to autism – while the rest of the world searches for inspiration and guidance and meaning, I only have look to my son on that stage.
Sincerely,
Becca
And the promised photo. Jax is lower right in the orange.
Love your blog. LOVE YOU!!! Seriously woman you are amazing and even more so in the way you guys have completely changed one little boy’s life for the better!!! I am now following you and will soon update my blog and since you’re following me and you are great at blogging regularly I have someone to motivate me ~ YOU!!
Much love!
XOXOXO
Barbi
Let’s get this blogging par-tay started! Get writing. Because selfishly, I’m ready to read more from you.
awesome. Way to go Jax!